Twiggie Makes by Candace Grahl

Lapta, The Turkish Republic of North Cyprus

I hate doing a bulk thank you but I am overwhelmed at the emails I have received regarding my last post. I didn’t think many people still check this blog but for those who do, thank you, & especially thank you for those who’ve reached out with your words. I hope I wasn’t a total debbie-downer — I just have to face facts that there is a reality to being me. And those who know me know if I am nothing it is up-front & honest so…there ya go.

I do want to say that while depression is certainly not fun, it’s not who I am. After ten years I have come to realize I can not let it define me. I have prayed that the Lord would take it, completely heal me of it & the only reason I can figure he hasn’t is he isn’t done working in me through it. I was reminded this week of the story of Jacob when he wrestled with God all night until daybreak. He wouldn’t give up until he received a blessing so the Lord touched his hip socket, wrenching it & causing him to walk with a limp. But God did give him the blessing he was so desperate for & also a deep appreciation for his life saying, “…I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.”

I realize that I, too, have wrestled with the Lord on many occasions & on things I had absolutely no right to. And I feel that this affliction — my depression — is God’s thumbprint on my life. A marker that I have been touched by him in a way that will forever remind me of who he is in my life & all that he has done for me. I may walk with a limp for the rest of my days, but I can raise my hands to Heaven that he has performed a miracle in my heart & also spared my life, because there certainly were times I begged him to take it.

And while depression is…dare I say it…depressing, I have come to realize that while life is hard there are deep joys to be had. I can sit & cry & let bitterness root itself in my heart over the many things I feel are not “fair” about this world, or this life that I have been given, or I can believe that God is who he says he is: gracious, loving, merciful, kind, generous, self-sacrificing, pure, only desiring good for us. So that’s what I am choosing to believe. And in that belief it allows him to pour out his blessing on my life & I feel it wash over my heart.

I may also add that this has opened up Pandora’s box for me blogging again. I have no idea what direction this blog will take, if any — it may look like a wild rabbit chase for awhile — but if you’re up for it, please stick around. I know I’ll be here.

I have missed blogging so much. I tried to tell myself that a) not many people read my words so does it really matter & 2) it eats up way too much of my time, but the truth is there really is something cathartic about blogging - the act of writing something out that has been rolling around in your head for some time, & then to (maybe) have someone reach out & respond to it. The burden is lifted & you can be connected to someone who may just understand what it’s like to be you.

I have struggled with depression for over ten years. When you’re only 29, that’s pretty much your entire life. Or so it feels. For people who have never dealt with this, what I am about to write may be lost on you. And that’s okay. Count yourself lucky - it’s a foe that is almost never invited & always ALWAYS wears out it’s welcome. When I share with people my battle with depression, they’ll tilt their head to the side, eyebrows up while a frown settles into the corner of their mouths & this is when I realize they have no idea what I’m talking about. They’ve never dealt with it, so they can only share empathy. I often find myself wondering what it is like to never have experienced it. I mean really, what IS it like to wake up & never have this fog settle into the depths of your soul?

Yup…even now I can not even imagine.

I have come to realize that in the past my depression would start as a biological issue, & then quickly descend into a circumstantial. Every year about this time it peaks & on those days I find everything to be more difficult. Getting out of bed, brushing my teeth, caring for my children & my home (the latter of these feels suffocating since these are the things that normally bring me intense joy & satisfaction). I used to fight it so desperately but over the years I have learned that when it’s done having it’s way with me, it will leave just as quickly as it came, & I will start picking up the pieces. Waiting it out is really the only thing you can do.

I tried medication once before. It really wasn’t for me. Though with each bout I have learned that to shut God out of it, exclude him only made it worse. Exponentially so. Last year I realized that Jesus was the only reason I was being sustained. The only reason I was getting out of bed. And in the depths of my heart I knew what it meant to love the Lord your God with all your heart, your mind, your soul & your strength. I imagine God giving us this charge because he knew at times loving him with your heart would be easy, but not your mind or your strength. I didn’t feel like I was doing any of that with enough, but with what little I had, that would be my offering. It had to be my offering.

Today, as I trudged through the activities of my morning, I was struck with the reminder that God is pleased with my offering. Just like Gideon, who stood before the angel of the Lord & in his fear & inadequacy put his measly offering onto the altar, and a fire came down from Heaven. God consumed his offering wholly & completely. Today I offer my measly offering to the Lord. With sadness & exhaustion I lay it before Him, & just wait for His fire to come down. Oh how I can not wait to watch it be consumed by my loving, gracious, holy Father. Knowing that the season of harvest will come when I will have a bounty to lay before Him. But for today, my sacrifice no matter how small, battered & broken it is, will be enough for Him.

Thank you, precious Father, for giving me the grace for today. I know it will be sufficient.

This time of year really makes me want to write a pumpkin cookbook. I have so many recipes & I know I am not alone in my pumpkin obsession. Or am I? Doesn’t matter. All I know is just when I start cranking out some of my past favorites, I stumble upon more new recipes. This is one such a recipe, found at one of my favorite recipe sites, Kraft Foods.

Four Layers. Alllllllll together now…

*sigh*

It is so good, y’all. And easy!! You can find the recipe here, or bookmark this post for the recipe below. Enjoy!

Luscious 4-Layer Pumpkin Cake

1 pkg yellow cake mix
1 can (15 oz) pumpkin, divided
1/2 cup milk
1/3 cup oil
4 eggs
1-1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice, divided
1 pkg (8 oz) cream Cheese, softened
1 cup confectioners sugar
1 tub (8 oz) whipped Topping, thawed
1/4 cup caramel ice cream topping
1/4 cup chopped Pecans

1) Preheat oven to 350°F.

2) beat cake mix, 1 cup pumpkin, milk, oil, eggs and 1 tsp spice in large bowl with mixer until well blended. Pour into 2 greased and floured 9-inch round pans. Bake 28 to 30 min. or until toothpick inserted in centers comes out clean. Cool in pans 10 min. Remove from pans to wire racks; cool completely.

3) Beat cream cheese in medium bowl with mixer until creamy. Add sugar, remaining pumpkin and spice; mix well. Gently fold in whipped topping. Cut each cake layer horizontally in half with serrated knife; stack on serving plate, spreading cream cheese filling between layers. (Do not frost top layer.) Drizzle with caramel topping just before serving; top with nuts. Refrigerate leftovers.

*I omitted the chopped nuts & used toffee bits instead, & used a bag of caramels, following the instructions on the bag to make the caramel sauce. Easy!

What better reason to start blogging than this.

I mean, seriously!!

I love pumpkin. And I am not trying to use that word lightly. When the canned pumpkin shortage happened last year, I was one of those crackheads who thought about paying $16 a can on ebay. I needed my fix! But the shortage is now over and I am the proud owner of ten cans of pumpkin in my pantry. And that’s just to get me started.

The best thing about this recipe, besides the fact you can say you made it from scratch, is because it uses real pumpkin, they are not dry. At all. I love making cupcakes but sometimes I feel like beating my head against the counter for trying new recipes because they can come out very dry. But not the case with this gem - so light, so moist, so EASY, so delicious!! So grab a spatula, a can of pumpkin (or cans…whatever, I’m not here to judge) & let’s get cracking!

Spiced Pumpkin Cupcakes

4 eggs, slightly beaten
3/4 cup vegetable oil
2 cups sugar
1 (15 ounce) can of pumpkin
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 cup corn starch
4 tsp pumpkin pie spice
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
3/4 tsp salt

1) Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F & line your muffin tin with cupcake liners.

2) Blend the eggs, oil, sugar, and pumpkin in a large mixing bowl & set aside. Sift together dry ingredients into a separate bowl.

3) Add dry ingredients to pumpkin mixture and beat until well blended. Pour into lined muffin tins, filling about 2/3 full.

4) Bake for 30 minutes or until toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Cool completely on wire baking sheets.

Maple Buttercream Frosting

1 cup (2 sticks) of butter, softened
5 cups of powdered sugar (10-x)
1 tsp maple extract
1-2 tbsp heavy cream or milk

(If you have a standing mixer, you’ll want to use it for the buttercream.)

1) In a large bowl or 5-qrt standing mixer cream butter & maple extract until smooth.

2) Add powdered sugar 2 cups at a time, blending well after cup. Make sure to scrape down the sides of the bowl with a spatula.

3) Once all the sugar is added, beat on medium speed for 5-7 minutes. Around minute 4 or 5 you’ll notice your buttercream getting very fluffy which means you’re almost there. Add 1-2 tbsp cream or milk if your frosting is too thick. To pipe from a bag, the icing can’t be too stiff. To determine, pull the beater out of the buttercream. It needs to slightly shift or slowly fall off the beater. If it barely moves you’ll need to add some liquid & beat for another minute.

This is difficult for me to write & even as I do I am heavy-hearted, but also feel a deeper joy growing. It’s very strange, actually.

I have blogged before about how the Lord has taken me on a serious spiritual journey the last few months and the things he has shown has blown me away - I wish I could tell each and every one of you all about this Jesus that I love so much and the fact that I can finally say that. Took me twenty-nine years but I love Jesus! But now that he is bringing me out of the desert and into the promised land I am feeling him asking me to now step out in faith and begin practicing what he has been writing on my heart.

The biggest hurdle I am facing at this point is Him asking me to lay anything & everything before him so we can decide if it’s what he desires for my life. For the first time ever I am happy to do this because I know my heart can not be trusted - that has been made painfully clear. I have chased selfishly & crazily after things that I thought would bring me satisfaction but ultimately it hasn’t. What it has brought me is captivity and an ache for something more, something true, for what I didn’t know was I was chasing an idol image. And like Isaiah says when he talks about those who were making and worshiping the idols, I was gripping it so tightly in my hands that I didn’t even know what I was doing - I didn’t know that what I was holding onto was a lie. He has since shown me that anything I grip to bring me wholeness and satisfaction, that is not him, is a lie. It’s the worst kind of cheater. And suddenly I realize just how many things I was holding fast to that were not him.

One day in particular as I was praying about how to let this go, he very gently asked me to just offer everything to him. To relinquish all control over to him & together we would sort it out. There’s a song that we sing at our church called “All for Jesus” & it’s been one of those songs that I find myself singing without even realizing it. Which is great, because in and of itself it’s a wonderful prayer:

Jesus, all for Jesus
All I am and have, and ever hope to be…
All of my ambitions, hopes and plans
I surrender these into your hands

A short time later I started telling Tim all that the Lord was doing in my heart, but that I was having such difficulty with it. One of the things that he was asking of me was to surrender completely and trust him with my desire for affirmation from my peers, and making a name for myself. I don’t realize how much I do that, how much I genuinely want it and this blog is exactly where I do it the most. I tearfully asked Tim if I was going to be okay if at the end of my life the only thing that Christ ever asked of me was to just be a wife and a mother. Not a successful entreprenuer. Not an acclaimed author. Not the owner of a really cute and fun blog. Just plain old me, a face in a sea of people, but being exactly where Jesus wants me. I know he will give me a greater joy than my heart would ever find chasing these dreams, but my temporal mind wrestles with this and it breaks my heart. Handing my dreams over to Christ is the easy part, but letting him hang onto them indefinitely? And what if he never gives them back? I know that God is good and he can be trusted and if he takes these things away for good it’s only because he desires the best for me. So…how can I argue, really?

I don’t want to ramble…I guess I just wanted to let you know why I will no longer be blogging. Part of me thinks I will go down this road again (because I love it so much and have met some amazing people through it), but the other part of me is excited at how the Lord will work in this area of my heart now that there is more space for him to move around. Thank you so much to those of you who have followed this blog and hopped around from domain name to domain name with me. I would still love to hear from you and this blog will stay put for reference or if you want to get in touch with me.

Many blessings to you,

Candace

Easter was two weeks ago and I’m just now getting to post some pics! We have been very busy, but also someone in our home (not me), who shall remain nameless (not Conner) accidentally dropped my laptop (not Max) and now it’s moving at a snails pace, quite literally. Good news is I get a computer upgrade (woot! woot!); bad news is posting or general surfing on the interweb has become very annoying and virtually impossible. But that’s okay, focus on the positive: New computer! And it wasn’t me who dropped it! (but I still love the person who did)

Okay, Easter. My family gets together for the major holidays - Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. Every now and then other holidays will be sprinkled into the mix but those are the constant and while that means a lot of people that also means it’s pretty fun. And because our family is big and because our family is southern, that means if you have no where to be or no where to go on said holiday then you are invited! This is a good thing, makes everyone behave since we have “visitors”. Here are some of my favorites of the day (warning : lots of pictures!)

Max practicing his skillz

When they get older I’m totally going to make them hold hands just like this when they fight

Easter Egg Hunting Time

This boys cheeks kill me!

Handsome big brother

Me and Max

Checkin’ out the goods - his expressions are priceless

Conner’s a hand-talker like his mama

Melting - love these guys

My dad

My brother and his new baby girl, Addison

Time for the four-wheelers - it wouldn’t be a holiday without them

My dad and Max, who wasn’t so sure about the four-wheeler at first but loved just sitting on it

Aunt Gwen’s turn - this is completely hysterical if you know her. She’s a cross between Truvy and Ouiser in Steel Magnolias. Love her!

Nana and Papa on the four-wheeler

Melting, again

It was definitely a long day, so Papa had the right idea!

Hope your Easter was sweet and filled with fun!

While I still think fall will trump any of the seasons (for me), spring still holds a soft spot in my heart. New season, new beginnings and everything is alive again. While I love the season itself, I usually opt out of Easter-type crafts since they tend to be a little too much on the cutesy side. However when I stumbled across this idea from Duncan Hines I scribbled down all the ingredients onto my shopping list and resolved that no matter how cutesy I just had to do them. So cute!! And so much fun, I might add. The best part? No-bake cookies - those are cut and decorated graham crackers you see. When I tweeted I was doing this, I got a few people asking how can you cut a graham cracker without breaking the whole thing? I thought the same thing but I am here to tell you that it can be done! Just be gentle and don’t use low-fat grahams (they’re harder to cut than the regular version). So if you’re interested in tackling some of these super-cute treats, I’ve outlined all the steps I took below. Please let me know if you give them a try!!

Easter Eggs Cupcakes

Cutting the graham crackers: It really is as easy as it looks. You can use a template or freestyle it. If you do use a template, you can take the tip of your serrated knife and drag it across the surface of the cracker, creating a traceable outline.

Then with gentle pressure begin cutting (or chipping away, really) the cracker.

It took me about 30 minutes to cut an entire box of graham crackers, all while my children ate breakfast. Easy!

Decorating the grahams: The original recipe says to use canned frosting that has been tinted, however that stuff takes forever to dry. And not to mention you make a mess tinting everything. So I picked up some bags of molding candy…

…microwaved them per the instructions on the bag…

…spooned a little onto the cracker…

…and then smoothed it over the surface.

While the candy was still wet I gave Conner some jumbo sprinkles and let him have at it.

Such a handsome assistant I have. Note to self: need to work on his “cheese” face…

And if you’re feeling really adventurous you can nuke some more candy, pour into a small sandwich bag, snip the tip and pipe more designs on the top.

After about a half-hour of decorating and another half-hour of sitting, my eggs were dry. It was so incredibly easy and clean up was a cinch! I will definitely be keeping this idea for the future. Then it was time to ice my cuppies (which I had baked the night before). This is when I say I love making things from scratch. I feel an overwhelming sense of accomplishment and satisfaction baking this way, however. HOWEVER. Sandra Lee is also one of my favorites and if there are short cuts to be had, take them! Especially when you’re putting more effort into one area (cutting grahams into egg-shapes to decorate) and slacking off in another (enter boxed cake mix and canned frosting). Okay, so back to the icing. I tinted it green - which I didn’t have the right shade of green but didn’t have time to run back out so had to make-do with what I had - snipped the end of a freezer bag and slipped a #12 Wilton tip into the end. Then filled the bag with icing and began piping dots…

…and more dots…

…and more dots…

…until you are all set and there is your grass.

Now just place your egg in the center of the iced cuppie and voila! Super cute, easy and fun Easter dessert.

If all of that is too daunting, you can top your cuppies with robin egg candy or buy premade egg-shaped cookies.

Aside from the shade of green that I had to use, I love how they turned out! And they really were so easy and so much fun to do. Can I say that one more time? FUN!!

Have a great weekend and a wonderful Easter!

I’ve been looking around for some Easter crafts that both my four year old and my not-quite two year old could do together. Conner, my older son, does great with crafts, stays focused until the job is done. Max, my baby….eh…doesn’t. Even when I found this easy craft of tracing an egg shape onto construction paper and “decorating” the egg with colored marshmallows dipped in elmers glue, he did about two, then thought the bowl of glue was waaaayyyy more fun than I had made it out to be. So he proceeded to submerge the same two marshmallows over and over (for 15 minutes) in the glue. Conner, on the other hand, did a beautiful job decorating his egg.

He follows instruction so well. Normally. Nine times out of ten. On a good day. Anyways, I over anticipated just how many bags of marshmallows I would need for this craft and had two packages sitting in our pantry. We’re not a family that loves our marshmallows but I also hate throwing perfectly good food away so I thought I would whip up some rice krispie treats for the holiday weekend (altho no where near as cool or as fun as Amanda’s krispie treat challenge).

And I had gotten the super-fun fruity and colorful marshmallows so how pretty would they be? Perfect for Easter right? I’ve never really enjoyed making rice krispie treats because mine always got so dry and hard. And you know I love my rice krispie treats (Kellogg’s did me a solid by making them for me). So I scoured the interwebz to figure out why mine come out so dry and I think I have it figured out. Actually, I know I have it figured out now since they are so soft and so chewy. Well, according to my fingers and the fact that Max devoured his and he’s not normally a fan of chewy stuff. Oh, and it’s only three ingredients so another reason that I will love this recipe forever and ever. Amen.

Rice Krispie Treats

(1) stick of butter
(1) 16oz bag mini marshmallows
(11.5) cups rice krispies cereal (a 12oz box is enough with maybe a cup leftover)

Okay, first you’re going to melt your butter in a large sauce pan SLOWLY. By slowly I mean kick your burner back on low (2 or 3) and let it melt without it turning brown at all. Apparently this is what makes your treats hard and dry. Who knew? I surely did not.

When your butter is melted take your marshmallows…(so pretty)

…and dump them in, stirring to coat them in butter. Keep burner on low and continue to slowly melt them, stirring occasionally. This will take about 10-15 minutes.

Remember when I got so excited that my treats would be springy and pretty since the marshmallows were? Yeah, I didn’t factor in the melting process would turn from the above to the below. Oh well. Oh, and while your marshmallows are melting, line a 9×13-inch baking dish in wax paper (read: easy cleanup) and coat paper with cooking spray.

Once your marshmallows are about 80-85% melted (I like a few chunks of marshmallows in my treats), pour half of your rice krispies into the saucepan and combine. Then add the other half and combine the mixture until all the rice krispies are coated.

Pour entire mixture into your baking dish lined with wax paper and spread it around evenly and then pressing it down firmly into your dish, either with your spoon or with your hands (I wait until it’s cooled and set-up a little bit before I roll up my sleeves and pack it down with my hands).

Once cooled (about 30-45 minutes), cut into squares, set on plates and remind your children why you are the best. mom. ever.

Max, my official taste-tester. What’d'ya think?

Thumbs up!!

Enjoy!

So my husband has been on this year-long quest to live as healthy as possible. A major aspect of this endeavor is a very strict diet that eliminates all refined sugar and limits the intake of natural sugar except for fruit. Watching my husband, who before could polish off a whole cheesecake in one sitting, limit his sugar and continue strong made me realize how much sugar I eat every single day. I mean…I am surprised I am not pre-diabetic. Seriously. So I challenged myself to go 30 days without eating any refined sugar. Can I say how much it sucks? Cuz it sucks. Even tho I am eating fruit and a few organic treats with natural sugar, I still crave some pretty unhealthy things. But hubby says the things in life that are worth it are usually the hardest to do. He’s my Confucius, what can I say. So in an ode to all that I’ve sworn off for the next month, I present you with my Top Ten Tuesday list:

Top Ten Sugary Snacks I Dream About

1) Animal crackers & cream cheese frosting If you’ve never had this snack you must try it today. And don’t over-think it - get the basic 2lb Stauffer’s animal crackers from Walmart (for like $1.98), get a can of cream cheese frosting, and let your taste-buds do the talking. So good. And good is quite the understatement. This snack helped me through many all-nighters in college…and all-nighters with the babies.

2) Graham Crackers & cream cheese frosting Another good alternative, especially when you make a cream cheese frosting and graham cracker sandwich. yum. o.

3) A big spoon with cream cheese frosting Sometimes there is no time for scrambling. Grab can. Grab spoon. Go for it.

4) Golden Oreos I would love to say I can stop myself at just a few…or even a row. But sadly I can not. These are one of my favorite and every time I think about cutting out sugar I will say “but what about my golden oreos??” And then when they came out with Double-Stuffed? Forget about it.

5) Fruity Pebbles A throw-back to my childhood. This was before all the studies and reports linked excessive sugar to child-hood obesity. Back then our parents knew it probably wasn’t good for us and we knew it too but we wanted it so we nagged and we begged and we pleaded until that colorful box made it’s way into mom’s shopping cart. One of my favorite after school snacks and still one of my favorite cereals (and ice-cream toppings as well) still.

6) White Chocolate Covered Pretzels Flipz or homemade, this mixes salty and sweet beautifully. When Sam’s started carrying the big box of them, I’m pretty sure I skipped up to checkout with that bad boy and made sure our club membership stayed current. Love these.

7) Pumpkin Pie Blizzard This is a seasonal item at Dairy Queen, which I understand but I also think is a travesty since this blizzard is a.maz.ing. Dairy Queen softserve flavored with pumpkin pie spice blended with chunks of shortbread “crusts”…I’m salivating. Truly. So if you haven’t tried it you must!! So get your calendar. Flip to the month of October. Write in really big letter “GET PUMPKIN PIE BLIZZARD!!” & then stamp “URGENT!” underneath. *nodding* you’ll thank me later.

8) Rice Krispie Treats Who doesn’t love them, really??

9) PopTarts Breakfast, Second Breakfast, Lunch, Snack, Dinner, Night Cap - there is always a good time for a poptart. Lumme some poptarts - I even made a pie showcasing it. Frosted strawberry is my favorite, apple cinnamon a close second.

10) Vanilla cupcakes with Buttercream Frosting Easy-peasy. I have yet to be faced with these while I’ve started my journey but I know if I do I will walk away either sobbing silently to myself or shaking from the desire to pound a few dozen. oh. mama.

So after the massive amount of snow that was dumped on us this winter, we have gotten a taste of warmer weather and spring has hit Virginia. Every opportunity I get to drag the boys outside and let them unleash their pent-up energy, I do it! Our city has an abundance of parks and I am pretty sure we have visited them all in the last few weeks as our days have been longer, warmer and all-around more enjoyable now that winter is gone. So what better flickr Friday edition than one that involves spring!! Soak it in people - seasons are changing and that is always a good thing. Have a great weekend everyone!

1. sakura : cherry blossoms, 2. Bubbles in the Grass, 3. Spring Trifle, 4. crocheted flowers, 5. summer love, 6. Easter Tree Hangers, 7. Peony L.O.V.E, 8. Babies!, 9. picnic, 10. Faux chocolate bunnies!, 11. Carlsbad Flower Field March 2007-DSC_3575, 12. summer quilts-ready for a picnic, 13. Orange and Blue Spring Cupcakes, 14. Pera Picnic Basket, 15. Pink Peony Macro 001, 16. Yummy yarn